To all those men who don’t think the rape jokes are a problem:
I get it—you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something, or connect you to doing something, that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.
And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right? Especially when it doesn’t mean anything. Rape jokes have never made YOU go out and rape someone. They never would; they never could. You just don’t see how it matters.
I’m going to tell you how it does matter. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person, and that you don’t see the harm. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing.
Here is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down…
Because 6% of college-aged men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act—and that’s the conservative estimate. Other sources double that number (pdf).
A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
If one in twenty guys (or more) is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, in a pick-up game of basketball, at a bar, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.
But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another, someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
Or maybe you didn’t laugh. Maybe it just wasn’t a very funny joke. So maybe you just didn’t say anything at all.
And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed? When you were silent?
That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapistknew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.
You. The rapist’s comrade.
And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore, not abiding it in your presence, not greeting it with silence…
Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.
“A baffling, infuriating trend has cropped up in reviews of The Hunger Games: critics bodysnarking on Jennifer Lawrence. “A few years ago Ms. Lawrence might have looked hungry enough to play Katniss,” writes the New York Times’ Manohla Dargis, “but now, at 21, her seductive, womanly figure makes a bad fit for a dystopian fantasy about a people starved into submission.” The Hollywood Reporter’s Todd McCarthy comments that Lawrence’s “lingering baby fat shows here.” And—most bluntly—Hollywood Elsewhere’s Jeffrey Wells calls Lawrence a “fairly tall, big-boned lady” who’s “too big” for Josh Hutcherson, who plays Katniss’s romantic interest. (In case the message didn’t come through: Wells thinks Jennifer Lawrence is BIG. He also thinks we should be wary of “certain female critics” who “may be susceptible to the lore of this young-female-adult-propelled franchise.”)”—
“if critics are going to pick on a 21-year-old woman for not being skinny enough for a fantasy film, why haven’t they been more consistent in their critiques of actors’ bodies? I haven’t seen much concern about Liam Hemsworth’s muscular frame, even though his character in The Hunger Games occupies the same food-strapped world as Katniss.”
oooooookay if these guys care so much about ~sticking with the facts~ of the books why don’t they complain that there aren’t any “olive-skinned” persons in District 12 even tho that is supposed to be a distinctive feature of the people of that district that is repeatedly mentioned throughout the series? everyone in that picking of the names scene was white as fuq from what i noticed.
oh because they don’t give a fuck about accuracy and just want an excuse to leer over and criticize a young woman’s body in disgusting ways
I actually said to my friend Hanna mid-movie that I love seeing Jennifer in movies and on the red carpet because she looks like someone you could meet on the street. She’s drop-dead gorgeous of course and anyone calling her fat needs a swift punch to the face (because lol body shaming), but it’s clear that’s her natural body. And I love that. I love actresses that are giving the finger to the standards of Hollywood and the film industry (Romola Garai’s another one) and I’m hoping that more and more will start until it’s taboo to even suggest that a woman lose weight before she gets a role.
Also, why is it that she’s “too big” for Josh Hutcherson, and Josh isn’t “too small” for her?
On Wednesday I had the opportunity to speak with James Fletcher from BBC about the post I wrote on Cross Assault and my own experiences within the gaming community. I’ve never been interviewed before and I certainly hope that what I talked about made sense and I didn’t babble too much. He was a lovely gentleman and certainly did his best to make me feel comfortable though.
The radio documentary should be completed within the next couple of weeks. I’m excited to listen because he is interviewing women who play as well as those who create games and work in the industry. I only hope that my voice lends something useful and positive to his documentary.
So it is official now, I will be able to continue working after April!
Having job security now makes me feel so much better. I was afraid that I’d have to scramble to find something after my contact ended here in order to pay rent and my other bills. The job market is tough out there so I’m so thankful to have this opportunity.